Written By: Ghada Shawki
8 October, 2025
My first experience as a doula was as a substitute for a doula friend who had to travel. I had met the mom once before delivery. She had gone through sexual abuse and other harassment when she was younger. Upon arriving I found the mother lying in bed, quite anxious, strapped with a fetal monitoring device around her belly. That confined her movement drastically. She was mostly lying on her back in bed apprehensive about the next step. The doctor, one who is pro natural birth, checked on her frequently enough. He regularly checked for the cervix dilation. Towards the end of the day, she had to be taken to the operations room for a C-section as she was in too much pain and asked to finish the process. I visited her the following day. Mother and cute baby girl were well except that the mom had trouble feeding the baby. Both baby and mom seemed to be still under the effect of the anesthesia. I am glad I was there to calm the mom’s anxiety and help her smooth into the breastfeeding process.
Lesson learned: taking the workshop is so important to prepare the mom for what is to come. I wish I had more opportunity with this mom for her to let out her anxieties and process her traumas. Desiring a natural birth is great but since has long not been part of the cultural norm in many communities and without the ‘clan’ type support, it is vital to be informed. Information is power and knowing does affect the mindset which in turn influences expectations and results.
Jazakillah for sharing your experience.
Thanks for sharing Ghada. That’s a pretty intense first time experience. This highlights the importance of doctors providing trauma informed care. Multiple cervical exams performed by a male doctor on someone with such a traumatic past would inherently be triggering and the mother would not be relaxed and producing optimal oxytocin levels for birth. I hope this mother has found healing in all of these challenging experiences. And I hope she finds care that is better aligned with her needs holistically. I’m sure she appreciated your support throughout that traumatic experience.
Penny Simkin has a book on this topic which is a good resource for doulas to be trauma informed. It’s called When Survivors Give Birth
That’s hard
Thank you for sharing your experience
So much to learn from every experience, thank you for sharing
Subhanallah! An eye opening first time experience I’m sure!💕💕💕
Jazakillahu khairan for sharing this… absolutely preparation is everything when it comes to childbirth.
Good article MashaaAllah
It’s deeply moving to see that you wanted to help this mom so much in labor. You wanted well for her. May Allah swt reward you for your intentions and actions. Ameen
Living it teaches us more than anything 📚
Dear Ghada Shawki, thank you sharing your beautiful experience. It is where we learnt our first lesson as doula!