Written By: Noor Rahim

There are concepts in the field of psychology that are educational, then there are concepts that are not only educational but frankly life-changing due to their personal impact. Attachment styles are unique pieces of information that substantially impact a person’s self-awareness and situational awareness of the behaviors of those closest to them. I would argue that this awareness is crucial in forming a wholesome understanding as to how great the effects of childhood are on every individual. Specifically, the attachment a mother has to her baby today will shape her baby’s future and his/her ability to form connections to others.

Attachment styles are based on the concept that how a baby is raised and cared for by their caregiver(s) shape their attachments to others in adulthood. There are four types of attachment styles:

  • Secure Attachment
  • Anxious Attachment
  • Avoidant Attachment
  • Disorganized Attachment

The first attachment is considered secure while the three others are considered insecure. As both babies and adults, we are constantly seeking out a lifestyle encompassed by security. Security means safety, comfort, and guarantee.

How would a baby show that they are in a secure attachment? How does that translate into adulthood?

When a baby’s parent leaves the room, they are saddened but once their parent returns, they are comforted and reassured. This is because the parent caters and is receptive to the baby’s needs. The baby finds solace in the presence of the parent. Such children commonly grow up to be adults that can maintain healthy long-lasting relationships where they trust their partner and are emotionally available to them. They feel a sense of safety and security in their relationships. They do not worry excessively or unreasonably if their partner or companion will leave them or betray them, in contrast to those who have an anxious attachment style.

How would a baby show that they are in an anxious attachment? How does that translate into adulthood?

When a baby’s parent leaves the room, they are saddened and once their parent returns, it is difficult to comfort and reassure them. This is because the parent does not consistently cater to the baby’s needs, therefore, the baby is not aware of when they will or will not be catered to. Such children commonly grow up to be adults that are anxious in their relationships. They may question the safety and security of their companionship and constantly seek out reassurance and attention. They lack a feeling of security so they constantly seek it out, unlike those who are avoidant.

How would a baby show that they are in an avoidant attachment? How does that translate into adulthood?

A baby with an avoidant attachment does not react to their parent’s presence or lack of presence. This is because this baby has learned not to rely on their parent(s) for their emotional needs. Their parents may cater to their physical needs but as the parents did not cater to their emotional needs and/or did not form a connection to their baby, this baby learned to be avoidant. As adults, they are self-dependent and are unlikely to talk about their emotions. They are people who are commonly described as "guarded". They can enter into a relationship but their partner may describe them as cold as they refuse to enter conversations that are uncomfortable and foreign to them.

How would a baby show that they are in a disorganized attachment? How does that translate into adulthood?

A baby with a disorganized attachment displays erratic or unusual behaviors to their parent's presence or lack of presence. They may hit themselves or “freeze up”. This is because their parent is both a source of comfort and trauma. This baby, like others, naturally crave comfort and attention but their parent is a contradiction. Such babies will commonly grow up to struggle with mental health disorders or/and personality disorders and they are usually unable to form healthy relationships. They may crave close relationships but are unable to allow others to get close, creating a push-and-pull dynamic.

Attachment styles not only help you in identifying and becoming aware of the attachment you are forming with your baby in these precious moments but it also allows you to realize how there is a deeper dynamic behind every adult’s ability to partake in healthy behaviors and actions.

*Reference: https://health.clevelandclinic.org/attachment-theory-and-attachment-styles