Written By: Hira Hassan
How many times have we heard this from family members and care providers?
"What matters is a healthy baby."
It really breaks my heart.
The shocking part is that even the mother thinks that this is the normal way to analyze her birth experience. What results from this mindset is unaddressed postpartum depression and traumas.
We have been trained to be 'good girls' to such an extent that it's considered disrespectful to voice out our opinions and say, "No."
From what I've observed, a care provider's definition of a 'good patient' is unfortunately associated with how well she obeys without questions.
This needs to change.
It is crucial for a mother to not just 'know' but FEEL like she's the center stage of the whole process and that her decisions are respected and her queries are addressed calmly and that all her physical and emotional needs are met in this most vulnerable time of her life.
Why does it matter?
Birth experience usually goes to the grave with the mother. Try asking your mother or older women around you. They won't remember a lot of details about other experiences, but they would remember how they were treated during pregnancy, birth, and postpartum by people who surrounded them.
The truth is that it's going to take a long, long time to bring a change in the healthcare system as to how birth should be viewed. But imagine if this was the case, we would be hearing completely different and positive narratives of birth stories than we're used to hearing, especially in Middle East Asia.
Birth is NOT without pain, but a positive birth experience story would probably include the following words and emotions:
- EMPOWERING
- WORTH IT
- BEAUTIFUL
- FULL OF SUPPORT
- FREEDOM
- BONDING
- FAITH
- ENCOURAGEMENT
- ORGASMIC
- CARED FOR
- INTIMATE
- PEACEFUL
Birth Matters. Childbirth Education matters.
MashaAllah. Loved this.
Thank you ,,that was a fulfill article to read
“It is crucial for a mother to not just ‘know’ but FEEL like she’s the center ”
I liked it! barakallah fik.
Sure a healthy baby is important but a healthy mother both physically and mentally with it is what matters most in the end.
Allahumma Barik Hira 😄
Absolutely! Both physically and mentally!
Beautiful article mshaAllah! Indeed a lot needs to change surrounding the birth culture and mental health of moms.
Precisely and beautifully put down Hira. I really appreciate of what you have said🤍
Healthy mother healthy baby. Jazakillah kher loved it.
Nice read and taking home point: the Mother and Babys Health are of equal importance
Well said.
🤍🤍
Jazaki Allahu khairan Hira
Every word of this article is so true! Our experience of our brothers remains with us life long. And if it was a disturbing one, then we carry its negative impact for our entire life.
How many families I know of that have decided not to have any more children, not because they did not want meoe but rather due to their traumatising birth experience. Modern medicine is snatching away from people of the life they wish to live.
Good read! This is even linked to the fact that as soon as the baby is out – all what people ask is ‘hows the baby?’ While the mom is lost in the whole huge experience she just went through… SubhanAllah.
Great post mashaaAllaah. People mean well when they say that all that matters is a healthy baby but you’re 1000% correct this statement can inadvertently invalidate a mother’s feelings about her birth experience.
Great post mashaaAllaah. People mean well with this statement but don’t realize they can be invalidate a mother’s feelings about her labor and birth.
I love that you shared this! We need healthy mothers to take care of the healthy babies!
A positive birth experience fosters emotional well-being, boosting a mother’s confidence and bonding with her baby.
Beautiful! Well said!
Amazing! Well said!
Woman speaking for women! I love it ma Sha Allah such a strong post! Healthy baby Healthy MOTHER both are equally important! 💖
This sentence,…. I hear it again and again. It is so common and the young mother repeat it herself by avoiding to think about and speak out about her birth.
Thank you for beneficial Reminder Hira, May Allah Bless all the MotherBaby, to be happy, healthy, and whole.