Written By: Faheema Mohammed

A few years ago, when I just started out as an AMANI Birth Doula and Childbirth Educator, I was under the assumption that I needed to hook every client that came my way, and I thought that the power was in the client’s hands. A few months to almost a year later, I realized that was not necessarily true. Even though I needed clients, I had just as much power over who I chose to support.

You see, we birth-workers often enter this field with a passion for supporting families through one of life’s most miraculous experiences. But in our desire to help others, it’s crucial to remember that we have the power and the responsibility to choose which clients we work with. Not every client is a good fit for our beliefs, boundaries, and mental health. It is essential to know when to say “no” to certain clients.

Why is this important?

Working with clients whose values, expectations, or behaviors align with ours, leads to more positive experiences for everyone. For well-matched couples,  we can provide more effective support, build trust more easily, and feel fulfilled in our work. On the other hand, working with clients who exhibit “red flags” can drain our energy, cause stress, and even impact our mental and physical health. Remember when we agree to serve our clients, we agree to share in our clients; vulnerable moments and journeys which will impact on our own journeys as  birth workers.

 

 "A doula's effectiveness is enhanced when there is mutual respect and clear communication with the client family."- Penny Simkin

 

From past experiences, “red flags” usually occur in the first interaction with a perspective client. Whether it is during a phone call or a What’s app conversation, pay attention to the words used, tone and even questions asked.

Red Flag 1 - disrespectful or dismissive behavior. This needs to be a huge NO! Clients who minimize our role and attempt to make us feel that our service is inconsequential should definitely get a rapid but professional response, followed by their number being blocked. Such examples would be questioning experience, fees and the particular service, in a matter that is unacceptable and almost derogatory and insulting. Every client has a right to ensure they get their money’s worth, but a client who looks down on our profession and treats it like it’s beneath them isn’t worth our time, period.

Red Flag 2 - Taking on clients who want only a “watered-down” version of our service. Such clients pick and choose aspects of support rather than valuing the full scope of care, which is not helpful for either parties. As doulas we are trained to provide comprehensive and continuous support and offering less can dilute the benefits of having a doula in the first place. For example, the client who wishes for the doula to only attend the labor, refusing to take the rest of the service such as meetings etc. Agreeing to “water down” our services to appease a client or secure a booking is not worth it in the long run. This can lead to compromised care, dissatisfaction for both parties involved, and potentially harm our professional integrity.

Red Flag 3 – Does not value your time. Even as doulas, we sometimes have to reschedule appointment with our clients when life comes up. But for clients who are continuously rescheduling appointments, or demanding times be changed that are only suitable to them, can be extremely stressful. With such clients it is important to determine if the service should be ended amicably, rather than continue the service and become more stressed with their lack of consideration.

Red Flag 4 - A client who takes, takes and takes. It’s also important to consider the cost of serving certain clients compared to the compensation for your services. Sometimes, the emotional, mental, or time invested in a client can be overwhelming when compared to our compensation. This frustrating imbalance can lead to burnout or resentment if not managed thoughtfully. We must evaluate whether the cost of serving a particular client aligns with the value we place on our services and our well-being. This is a critical part of mindful client selection. For instance, a client who, after agreeing to a service package, is now expecting additional services (e.g. more meetings) without an increase in service fee. Yes, we do what we do, because we love our profession, and sometimes given the circumstances we try to accommodate certain clients, Alhamdulilah. But we must be able to discern which clients truly deserve this compassion, from those who wish to receive the full benefits of the service without actually investing anything at all. Our time is valuable, what we give up  in order to do this profession is also valuable, extremely valuable,  and as such we must be compensated accordingly.

Red Flag 5 - A client who is playing the doula field.  One of my pet peeves! Every client has the right to shop around for their doula. But once a client has settled on a doula, they should be honest and open with their doula, even when they are asking other doulas for advice. If the hired doula accidentally  comes to realize her client was seeking advice from other doulas, she may feel as though her experience and skills are being questioned and are not trusted, while the second, third and even fourth “free advice” doula, is providing advice free of charge not realizing another doula/s have already advised or guided this particular client. If the doula or childbirth educator realizes there is an issue then an honest and professional conversation must take place to address and rectify the situation. For those of us who have been through this messy “affair”, will understand the serious implications that can come from it. Ironically, from experience, the involved doulas eventually realized they were played, while those clients continue to think no one knew that they were basically double, triple or quadruple dipping into the “doula jar”!

“Self-care for birth professionals includes setting limits and being clear about what we can and cannot do." – Sharon Muza

Remember when we choose clients mindfully we are protecting ourselves - our mental, emotional and physical health. We provide enhanced quality support that is individualized by building relationships with our clients.  As doulas and childbirth educators, we aren’t obligated to work with every family that asks. By being selective about the clients we choose to support, we prioritize our well-being and ensure we can give our best to those families who value our care. Trusting our instincts about who we work with isn’t just smart—it’s an act of self-care.